If Only I Could Do This Grief Thing Right …

When our son died in December 2010, I was hurting. A lot. His unexpected death shellshocked me emotionally, taking its toll on my ability to think and function physically.

This was the first major loss to hit my life, other than a miscarriage 22 years earlier. I wasn’t really sure how to do the grief thing.

“I want to grieve properly so this pain is not prolonged,” I confided in a friend one day.

Over 14 years later, I find that statement laughable.

Sure, there are healthy components to grieving. Processes such as talking about it, practicing self-care, and dosing pain can help bring healing. And some choices are detrimental to moving along in grief, such as ignoring loss, blaming, and self-medicating pain in destructive ways.

Why am I talking about loss and grief during the Easter season? After all, Easter is a joyous time. God’s evidence Life conquered death; Christ’s blood broke sin’s power.

But that first Easter season, just before Resurrection Day, came a time of intense grief and darkness. Christ’s followers all seemed to have forgotten his words of rising from the dead after three days. And so, in their eyes, his death on the cross was final.

In that time between Christ’s death sentence and his resurrection, Scripture reveals how a few followers grieved well.

Much has been omitted from the scriptural accounts, but when the Sabbath was over and resurrection day was dawning, Scripture reveals three ways the women at the tomb grieved well.

Trust God

When the women made their way to Jesus’ tomb with their spices, they were doing more than fulfilling an obligation to the dead. By their actions, they declared a solid trust in God.

First, they trusted God enough to observe the Sabbath as they always had done. They didn’t go to the grave during Sabbath hours but waited until Sabbath was over and the sun was coming up the next day.

Second, they trusted that somehow, they would gain access to Christ’s body. They were aware of the stone, far too heavy for them to move, and the Roman guard watching over. But they must have believed their service would honor God and that he would make a way.

When we grieve, it is easy for our trust in God to slip. We are tempted to evaluate God’s faithfulness based on our limited experience. To help in our healing, it is important to continue our spiritual habits and to lean on the faithful God that Scripture reveals him to be.

Remember Needs of Others

Surely these women were hurting after they witnessed the death of Jesus. They could have isolated themselves in their homes and allowed sadness to envelop them. Instead, they went to the market and bought sweet spices. They arranged a meeting time and place to accomplish their ministry of love.

All that action took emotional and physical energy—energy they may not have thought they even had. But as they determined to minister to Jesus, they received strength. In the end, they received a great blessing of being the first to see the empty tomb.

We may never know why God allows certain losses in our lives. But if we serve others using what we have learned, it can help us heal from our loss.

Live in Community

Working together, the women accomplished more than they could have alone.

First, they would have been able to divide the duties that were essential to performing their mission.

Second, they were able to share their burden of grief as they planned and walked to the tomb. Perhaps they shared whispered exchanges of special memories they had of Jesus and his teaching. Perhaps they placed their arms around each other occasionally as they walked, reassuring each other of their presence and support through this dark time.

When we are grieving, there are times it is appropriate and best to be alone with God and in quiet. But there are other times it is healing to be with others. To feel their hugs and assurances of love. To know we are heard as we talk about the deep hurt. To share memories with others that encourage everyone involved.

Summary

For the followers of Christ, their grieving was cut short in a burst of joy on that first Easter. But even they would go on to have other losses that would not be quenched, would not be cut short. Perhaps they would put into practice those things that they learned on that dark day before Easter.

We experience losses in life, small and great. Some will be reversed in this life, but many won’t. Ultimately, God can give us strength to walk through the difficult times of loss and grieve well.