From a Broken-hearted Mommy: A Letter to my Child

Sometimes I wonder if you would have had brown eyes like your daddy, red hair like your brothers, or would have liked math like me, your mommy. But I will never know. For before you were born, 11 weeks into the pregnancy, I went to the hospital to have you removed from my body.

It was a sad day, and I cried. When I returned home, grief left me in a daze. I felt isolated. How could others understand?

Later, I learned you had been about two inches long. Still tiny, but you had made your presence obvious to me with an increase in my appetite.

Your fingers and toes were formed along with your nail beds. Even your tiny tongue had taken shape. Amazingly enough, your heart had been beating for two months!

I didn’t realize what a perfectly formed little person you already had been!

This October, it’s been 36 years ago since you died. There is still sadness when I think of you, but not guilt. We had proof that you had already died before having you removed from my body. But my heart aches for all those mommies (and daddies) who deliberately ended the life of their baby and now may be burdened with both grief and guilt. You probably know they can find forgiveness from God, even for this.

The anniversary of your death not only reminds me of parents who suffer this guilt but also makes me think of those in power who want to continue to make these tragedies easy to continue.

Some would say that an 11-week-old preborn baby, as you were, is not human or is part of the mommy’s body. So, then it is believed the mommy can decide to end the baby’s life, but you understand that you were never part of my body. You, Samuel (for that is the name we gave you), had your own set of genes, your own blood type, and even your own gender.

My child, I will never forget you!

Your Mommy