From Suspicion to Surrender

Suspicion. Questioning. Distrust. Maybe that’s why these relationship-killers affect how I respond to others. The underlying cause is how I relate to God.

Not all the time. Not even most of the time. But when God graciously rescues someone, I think, “Why wasn’t it my son? Why wasn’t it our family?”

Anger. Resentment. Bitterness. They rear their ugly heads. I don’t want to feel this way about God. If I don’t have Him, I don’t have anything. I can’t reject Him. He is goodness, truth, mercy. Is it possible to connect to God, yet reject what He has done?

Maybe there’s part of me that wants to punish Him, to remind Him I’m not happy about how my life is turning out. I want to remind Him He’s not treating me right or fairly. Haven’t I lived the right way? Haven’t I loved Him?

I wonder.

Maybe I’ve lived the right way out of self-protection. Maybe my so-called love has been love of self. Maybe times of true submission and self-abandonment have been mere flecks of dust—few and far between.

Surrender. Brokenness. Trust. Whatever God brings into my life is far better than I deserve. Like the song, Blessings (see below), by Laura Story suggests, perhaps the difficulties of life are precious because they help us see life from an eternal perspective. Perhaps they serve to bring us to the place of surrender, the place we can connect with God, the place our heart feels at home:

Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops What if Your healing comes through tears What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

What if my greatest disappointments or the aching of this life Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy What if trials of this life The rain, the storms, the hardest nights Are your mercies in disguise